


Only Time Will Tell

by SailorStarDust1



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexuality, Bosselhira and VOcelhira hot mess of emotions, Canon Disabled Character, Drama, Everybody's gay for Big Boss, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Nadine and Catherine mentioned, Past BBEva, Past JackBoss, Some gallows humor, it's complicated - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 01:40:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7915537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorStarDust1/pseuds/SailorStarDust1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I think…I need to quit all this, while I'm ahead. I'm getting tired, Boss.”</p><p>Set during MGSV: TPP events, post Mission 46. Kaz takes a "vacation" to South Africa to visit an old friend—and his recently invited son. Equal parts VKaz/BBKaz (with some Bosselot/VOcelot and VQuiet, too). To be Kaz is suffering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Time Will Tell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cephied_Variable](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cephied_Variable/gifts).



> Ass-covering disclaimer, as usual: Any video game/anime works or real life things (songs, etc) mentioned in my fanfics belong to their respective owners. I'm just a fan writing about various series that I love.
> 
> I really felt the title from the song by Asia is just too fitting for BBKaz—especially in TPP-era MGS.
> 
> The opening has a line from the TPP scene found on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFu5qCzI27U which just…A year later, and fans still discover these little things within the game. Wow. Also: Good Bye by Hitomi Tohyama is so good! 80's J-pop~
> 
> This is something of an inverse of my first MGS fic, Elegia, and possibly just as long. Reading a hell of a lot of good BBKaz analysis and fanfics (especially anything by http://archiveofourown.org/users/Cephied_Variable/, hooooly shit) helped a lot with the occasional writer's block I've had. I dedicate this one to her and all BBKaz fans. Props to http://archiveofourown.org/users/hepatica 's Ahab fic for inspiring a V/Ocelot scene in this. And major shoutouts to PearBear and PlusSevenSix for their overall awesomeness!
> 
> Proof reading errors my own, as usual.

It was an incredibly stupid idea, Kaz knew, once his rational side almost immediately kicked in. Despite his feeble attempts at pushing those _disgusting_ emotional components back. Far, _far_ , back. But chopper arrangements had already been made, paperwork and clearance to leave for however many months, long ago settled.

Business—Diamond Dogs—had gone swimmingly, albeit quiet, in the recent months after Skull Face's demise, and those unpleasant situations of Huey—and later the children—leaving Mother Base. The timing for a "vacation" was perfect.

DD, obliviously joyful, clacked alongside Miller's heels as the man made his way for the Command Platform's landing zone. He adjusted his duffel bag of scant, albeit necessary, belongings before cautiously bending down to scratch the wolf's ears with his lone arm.

"Don't worry about me, boy. Just look after him."

A genuine request that came out rather biting. He'd have to work on that, mentally ruminate the ride over this bizarre attempt at…forced politeness.

DD cocked his head to the side in response, happy tongue still lulling out.

"Where's the fire?"

Blinking, Kaz turned to the slightly amused voice coming a few feet away, slowly straightening upright.

 _Him_. He looked especially rough—the poor bastard—ever since Quiet's disappearance in Afghanistan. In recent weeks, it felt as if something else was on Venom Snake's mind, but his Boss—who generally kept to himself—didn't breath a word of whatever his troubles were to Kaz or Ocelot.

At least his spirits were vaguely relaxed, decked out in the Diamond Dogs sneaking suit, _her_ bandana across his forehead. He rarely took it off.

"You read the files, Boss. It's in my best interests to cool my head for awhile." That silver tongue for business—and life—still saved him after all these years. "Ahab" needn't know the details of his vacation, nor the truth about Ishmael.

The truth…A bitter pill to swallow, while he was freshly recovered from his injuries, the newly arrived Ocelot making a point to have them speak privately, while the Boss was off on a mission.

Nine years ago, the past and present, being reduced to a lie in the span of one conversation.

Ultimately, the rational side briefly focusing his emotions, Miller couldn't hold a grudge against Venom Snake, or Ocelot.

His hatred was reserved for someone else.

Forced to live the lie, he'd grit his teeth on the bad days especially, when the Phantom would have the _audacity_ to choose an outsider like Ocelot's advice over Kaz's. What did _that bastard_ know of their struggles, the countless victories and deaths, during barely three years of MSF? Then again, what did it matter when their Diamond Dogs commanding officer wasn't even…

Seeing so much of _him_ in Venom's face and voice, Kaz would naturally lose himself in the anger, his quest for vengeance against XOF and the world at large.

He'd ignore his thudding chest whenever the Phantom would lean in close during their conversations, his irritation—certainly not jealousy—towards the former, and best, MSF medic favoring Ocelot's advice or Quiet's company over his own.

He'd roll his eyes at Ocelot's clearly reverent use of "John", the underlying implications that he and John—Venom Snake or the real deal—were somehow closer than _they_ once were. As if Ocelot's relationship was on a different level. It wasn't as if Ocelot himself and his quick reflexes with guns had intimidated or even _scared_ Kaz on any level…Maybe, just, _slightly_.

He'd push away, deep deep down, the remembrance of the Phantom's warm lips and surprisingly gentle embrace when he visited a still recovering Kaz, after the Afghanistan rescue. Those warm, never forgotten, caresses soon enough ceased once Quiet arrived. That woman who invaded their new home.

Fine by him, Kaz had reasoned. There was work to be done. Fraternizing was the least of his worries.

It was after the second outbreak: Venom Snake putting down their own men and women amidst Huey's baseless accusations— _and Mother of God, who gave him a radio, anyway?_ —that Miller personally thanked—the next day, while Snake was on the chopper—Big Boss did the painful albeit right thing, and helped Kaz himself see the light. That Kaz's own revenge was just…

 _That_ was the Big Boss Kaz had always known. Not some stranger who effectively died that March night in '75.

The day after Ocelot's revelations, Kaz prodded the cowboy for more information, some kind of proper answer…Only to see immediate confusion across the other man's features, brow quirked. "We discussed work, sure.", his Texan drawl thick. "But nothin' about the Boss."

Lips drawn into an immediate tight line, Kaz managed a rough "Right." while practically storming back to his office, the new day bringing about another slammed door, self-aware of Ocelot's genuine confusion staring him down.

_Wonderful._

"Do what you need to, Kaz." Venom's deep voice brought the blonde back into reality. He was bending down to pet DD, the wolf's tail wagging like a mini-helicopter of its own, with his flesh hand. "We can handle things just fine, just." He suddenly trailed off, looking fatigued.

Kaz blinked. This...wasn't like him. The _real_ him, from vague recollections of their MSF days together. "Boss?"

"It's nothing." A thin, albeit genuine, smile. Whatever Snake wanted to discuss, he apparently deemed it wasn't the right time and place. "Like I said, do what you need to. We know what we're doing."

Kaz frowned a little. That use of "we" felt off. Did he somehow _know_? Still, some things were certainly better left unsaid.

Throat clearing, Kaz turned, back facing his commanding officer. Crutch gripped tightly, he boarded the chopper upon its landing. _This is a terrible idea._ was the only thought filling his heavy mind, as he freely allowed Venom's assistance in being seated, swallowing thickly at their prolonged eye contact before V stepped off, a slight nod once the chopper began its ascent, DD excitedly barking out a "happy travels" of his own.

_This is a terrible idea._

He glanced at his own iDroid, his hand weirdly shaky before setting the stupid thing down. _Don't think about work._ , he reminded himself. And certainly don't think about

_Him._

Which?

… _Terrible. Idea._

* * *

Outer Heaven, in fact, wasn't terribly hard to find. He had a general idea of where to search in South Africa—rumors of local PFs having their nuclear weapons disappearing under "mysterious" circumstances gave him all the hint he needed.

Still, the blonde had to hand it to Snake. Those private forces—occasionally in the dark about their own backers being XOF—the more footing they lost in this war, the better. Skull Face's death, and Sahelanthropus' defeat certainly weakened the organization considerably.

It was a reasonable deduction that Diamond Dogs would someday fold into Outer Heaven—Kaz himself would see to it that Venom Snake, maybe even one of the two sons, since Eli was presumed dead—would be strong enough to deal with whatever was thrown their way. There was no turning back, for any of them.

Cipher, XOF, The Patriots…Whatever their name, Kaz had total confidence in Diamond Dogs gradually wiping them off the map completely. His personal revenge against Big Boss would come, in time.

Wiping away sweat with the back of his hand—how did their Boss _manage_ in his Central African deployments?—there it was, a mere foot away.

A well-hidden fortress utilizing the thick jungles as cover. Just some 124 miles north of Galzburg, South Africa.

Several buildings with construction crews barking orders towards one another. Handfuls of men and women in fatigues coming and going, lugging along resource containers. The distant barracks and the mess hall were at least complete, Miller noticed as he walked through the gates without questioning. He relaxed, making a point to walk at a slowed pace, releasing the grip of his side arm, realizing a passing glance was barely given his way.

 _He_ couldn't have been expecting Kaz, could he?

* * *

"You look well." An unexpectedly cheerful voice spoke directly behind him, adding, "Has it really been nine years?"

To his credit, Kaz didn't jump from surprise at the sick joke. Just how long was that man simply _standing_ behind him, pulling his stealth bullshit, while Kaz took the scenery in?

"I can't fucking believe you!" The blonde whirled around to face Big Boss. Kaz'sanger, held-in for too many years, immediately rose to the surface. He wouldn't give into punching the man. Raising his voice was enough, when violence was too good for someone like Snake.

"I had to hunt _you_ down because you're too much of a self-serving prick to—"

"Easy, Kaz." The bastard had the nerve to chuckle, gesturing for Kaz to walk alongside him as they continued their semi-private discussion. "My hands were tied. It was for _your_ protection as much as mine, trust me on this. If you tracked me down to Cyprus, XOF would've left you for dead or worse. You know this."

The blonde's lone hand clenched tight against his crutch, remembrance of Zero implying as much in the phone call, after Snake and their medic had been left comatose. The temptation to hit Snake with the crutch—hard—across his smug face, fled quickly as it came. Fully aware that he was better than unsophisticated behavior. He took in a breath, calming down. Slightly.

"And you didn't _think_ to let me in on your plan after the fact? If only you _tol_ _d_ me first, then I—"

Their eyes met once they reached a single floor building, slightly spread apart from the others. Must've been Snake's quarters that doubled as his office—a room that Kaz happily shared—in their MSF days. Venom Snake's room was a similar setup, but thankfully neither CO found fancy perks or comforts a necessity.

Kaz swallowed despite himself, especially irritated at how damn _good_ his estranged boyfr—no, _partner_ looked in a leather jacket, a lit cigar resting against his lips. His wrinkles were the same as ever, blue eye clear as always…But that fatigue, the dark circles under Snake's good eye didn't go unnoticed, nor did the beginnings of gray hair throughout his beard and hair. Not terribly surprising. Snake was close to pushing fifty, Kaz himself soon enough thirty-nine.

Be it flat-out insomnia or sleep deprivation, either were a given when overseeing construction of a military paradise.

"Drop it." Snake's voice was firm. "If you don't believe me to begin with, nothing I say _now_ will convince you." Snake pulled his cigar away to exhale, free hand in a pocket. "So, how are things on your end? According to Intel I've received, Quiet has gone missing?"

Christ. Kaz let out a rather slow breath. A whole new meaning to his since destroyed "Big Boss is watching you" Mother Base posters.

"It's been about two months, yes. He's doing fine, but seems lonely without her. Can't say I ever saw eye-to-eye, but it'd be nice if Quiet was around to keep his spirits up. Seems like something recently stressed him out."

"Couldn't tell ya what." A shrug alongside his little white lie. Let the tape he sent to Ahab be Ahab's business alone. If he chose to discuss the matter with Adam and Kaz, that was his own decision.

Kaz frowned. He didn't think he'd be forced to bring up his latent photo-sensitivity issues to anybody, especially him. Back to the main topic.

"My eyesight may be shot to hell, but I can see through your bullshit clearly. Favoring your _best friend Adam_ over me with your goals, becoming a complete coward by leaving _him_ in charge, effectively abandoning _us_ in the process."

Us. You and I. _Is there something wrong with me?_ That was Kaz's internalized reaction to Adam's news. A pure outlook, how his MSF self would've reacted after their former life together, the revelations of being left behind, before nine years of anger and bitterness naturally overcame him like a wave, leaving nothing but a depressed and unhinged state of mind in its wake.

"Drop. It." This time it was a warning tone. Oh, threats of violence towards half a man like himself? _Real nice, Snake._ Despite a snarl in protest, the blonde hushed, frown transformed into a full-blown scowl.

Pity this wasn't like the movies, something unexpected to break up the tense atmosphere. Snake in silence stared at the dirt against his boots, arms crossed in clear annoyance. Kaz for his part, rather intentionally kept his gaze dead set on the older man, delicious smirk forming at the thought of intimidating Big Boss through his rather disheveled appearance. Snake could take it all in.

Let those phantom limbs, various bruises, his damaged eyes, scruffy chin and unkempt hair—hell, even that stupid pudge around his belly—be enough of a wake-up call for Snake to realize what Kaz had been through during those nine years of rest.

Instead, Snake was the one to silently break the ice, reaching for Kaz's cheek, fingerless gloved hand in a _tender_ caress. Miller flinched visibly despite his heart actually skipping a beat. Of course he didn't miss _his_ touch. What a stupid thought, after nine years of painful separation.

Kaz would've killed for Big Boss to just take him, on the ground then and there, public setting be damned.

"Dad?"

From Snake's door suddenly, curiously, popped out a young boy, roughly twelve years old, prompting Miller to double take. Snake scowled, muttering something about there being a time and a place for sneaking around.

Nearly the spitting image of Eli, calm blue eyes focused on the blonde XO, the boy's brown hair in a mullet of sorts, much like Snake's actual one. Standing next to his father, he made several relentless attempts at innocent hugs, hands lightly swatted away each time. "Quit. That." is what Snake muttered through grit teeth.

With a little sigh, the boy finally conceded, choosing to stand with hands in his jeans pockets instead. Kaz wasn't terribly shocked by this display of mild family drama, so he kept to the sidelines. Analyzing.

Not only his twin, Eli, but Snake himself…This kid really did take after him, at least physically. It'd certainly be evident as the boy aged. Yet he was the "inferior" of the Project's pair, according to the old reports?

"Are you a friend of my dad's?"

Yet another scowl from Big Boss. "I _told_ you, David, call me Snake. That's my codename here."

Well. Kaz's visit…suddenly became very interesting.

* * *

Introductions properly made, Snake with a grunt eventually shooed David off so the young boy could "help" overseer some of the construction. Luckily, his men and women had taken an instant liking to Snake's son, happy to have a mostly quiet ray of sunshine in their serious line of work.

It was getting dark soon. David had been assigned his own quarters, whenever he finally tired out from helping.

"So, what's with the kid? Warlord like you can't get enough of fucking up people's lives?"

Kaz sat against the cushy stool, a bar in Snake's room, legitimately surprised the man had splurged in one personal comfort. Half cup of sake rested lazily against his palm, Snake nursing his own glass of whiskey on the rocks.

"You really think I'd send a twelve-year-old into battle? Kaz, you must be forgetting about Chico. I'll gladly train any age, but I'd prefer they're at least seventeen to serve." A sip of his drink, eye shut.

"Eva pulled some strings with _them_ , sent him over. Insisted that David needs his real father."

A cold roll of his eye before John continued his train of thought. "Eli's death made me realize those boys can be a valuable asset. Why _not_ take advantage of that before the bastards get them too far gone from brainwashing?"

Kaz snorted. "Cute. According to what Ocelot mentioned when Eli was our "guest", they have George under serious supervision, although Eli and David's upbringing was relaxed. But I'm in disbelief they'd let him leave that easily, Snake. Anyway, Eva? You two back in touch?"

"For a week last March, yeah. Before I went ahead with everything in California and here. It was nice to visit her again. The last time I saw her was '72, you know."

1972\. The same year they had met, on the battlefield. His tone of voice purely acidic. "Visiting, huh…That's what they call it nowadays?"

"Don't tell me you're jealous?" John chose his next words carefully, hoping to soften the blow, biting his tongue that a rendezvous would’ve included _Kaz_ later on, had things turned out differently. "I do love Eva, but…In our line of work, we can't exactly stay together."

On the radio, Frank Sinatra's version of _How Insensitive_ drifted in and out of the background, a fitting piece for their current line of discussion.

Something made Snake want to open up to his old, true, comrade: "Honestly? Nobody will ever compare to her, although Ahab can keep the bandana. Especially after that coma, I realized I _have_ to stay true to myself."

No response, but Kaz was certainly internally seething. Bit of a surprise he didn't ignore Snake from there on out, his drink nearly forgotten.

Snake let out a breath, rubbing his good eye. "You know—" His voice was low.

Kaz suddenly spat out, bold in his interruption, "Using his old name, his old identity…You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

Loud laughter in response, a smirk across his lips. "Then tell me, Kaz: What do you remember about Ahab?"

A self-righteous snort, downing his sake without grace. "Easy enough. To start with, his real name was obviously…Jeff?" Kaz blinked. "Wait. It was Tim."

Snake wordlessly poured his former XO another cup—they had fallen so easily into their old rhythm, it was like nine years hadn't passed them by, at all—before a shake of his head. "No, that's not it, Kaz. His real name's Daniel. Or was it Erik?"

"You have his passport, don't you? Just look there!"

Snake flustered in turn, "My pride's riding on remembering this!"

Both men exchanged a frown of mutual embarrassment before quickly sipping their respective drinks.

“He…”, Kaz began, words a little slurred. Nice buzz. Unable to recall what cup he was on. “We kissed, you know, waiting for the chopper. After you—he—rescued me from the Soviets.”

Snake's expression was hard to read.

“A few days later, your buddy Ocelot explained the real story before putting himself under. It's not easy coexisting with your little cheerleader.”

The older man sighed, somewhat tiredly. “It was his own choice.”, was all he could offer.

“Before you ask, I don't _want_ to know if he and Ocelot…Christ, Snake! With you—him—in that confused state of mind, _I_ certainly wasn’t about to—Besides, he kept his distance from us both quickly enough, focused on building up Diamond Dogs. And then, she...”

The grip on his drink tightened.

Little “good luck” kisses before Snake's more dangerous MSF missions, his loudly bitching to the medic that Snake _needed_ to brush his teeth and shower more often, the doctor laughing at Miller and Boss sounding like an old married couple—an assumption of their relationship which he kept to himself.

Seemingly peaceful days, despite their time of war, that would never again return. Memories fading more and more gradually as the days went by.

Snake's eye flickered from Kaz to the sake cup, gently offering: “Ease up a little, huh?” He had about three glasses of his preferred poison before calling it quits.

“I'm _fine_.” Kaz wasn't. Clumsily beginning to pour himself another cup, his former Boss helped out by steadying the bottle.

"What's the money situation like on this little adventure of yours?" Business man, as always.

A shake of Snake's head, his smile amused. "You know it was never about the money, Kaz. Our system here is pure volunteerism. Recruits and construction workers get a place to call home in exchange for their services."

"Jesus Christ, Snake." Kaz tiredly muttered in between rubbing his face with his only hand. He downed his sake before pouring a fresh cu—Snake's strong hand gripped his wrist.

“Please.” Genuine concern in that clear blue eye. Fuck. Always was hard to say no to _that_.

“…Fine.” He'd behave, quit while he was ahead in their unspoken drinking game. Kaz was winning tonight, at least, due to the sheer amount Big Boss was pissing him off.

“Hey.” Snake's voice weirdly cheerful. Creepy. “What have you been up to outside of work? Anything interesting?”

Oh, _that_ , certainly. But a topic for another time. Kaz took a quiet moment to inhale deeply, preventing his mood from souring further. Just another example of his life becoming a mess.

With dull eyes—and not just from failing vision—Miller's head snapped to his left. To Big Boss. The real fucking deal. Sitting next to him. After nine years.

Holy shit.

He leaned in close, ensuring their noses touched. _Boop_. Just like that. Nice.

“Uh. Kaz…?”

Kaz let out a lingering groan, retorting: "Shut _up_ already, you attractive piece of shit."

Brain on autopilot at that point, he wasn't sure whose lips first met whose, but Kaz didn't care, essentially pushing all of his weight into Snake's body, those strong arms tightly, instinctively, wrapping around the younger man.

Shit. He was painfully hard. Without giving it much thought, Miller began undoing his belt and pants, clearly struggling with his non-dominant hand. Snake raised an eyebrow in surprise. Their partnership and friendship naturally evolved into a romance during their nearly three years together, back then, but…

"Kaz—"

"I said shut up. Let's get more comfortable; talk about something happier."

Big Boss's voice grew weirdly gentle, picking up where he left off from the late afternoon by tenderly caressing the blonde's face, planting kisses on his forehead, his nose, his lips.

"If that's what you want."

Kaz was unsure of his emotions in the moment: Was it happiness or disgust that Snake's tone reminded him of Venom Snake? Even if Kaz wanted to get close, he couldn't. That man simply cared too much for Quiet.

Head spinning, yet another taste of whiskey on Big Boss's lips and tongue, limbs tingling, this heat of the moment response was fine. Let their bodies react to nine painful years of separation however. They could deal with the aftermath tomorrow.

* * *

Tomorrow arrived too soon.

The pair slept soundly, naked under the covers. Only their backs touched, no embraces or half-asleep murmurs of sweetness to be shared like the good old days. Days that were a long ago blur as early morning sunlight filtered in, through a window adjacent to the bed frame.

Cries of birds and various, distant, wild life greeted the new day, an adjustment for them, considering both locations of Mother Base were a backdrop against the shimmering seas.

Snake rolled about, eyes still closed, silently startled by the warmth of a body next to him. He managed a smile, slowly coming to, in dreamy awareness that it was either Eva or Kaz. Lightly pressing his lips into a shoulder blade—remnants of muscles with a lack of definition these days?—certainly Kaz.

His thoughts drifted far, far, back. To their fist kiss. Embarrassing, for all the wrong reasons.

Kaz was in the middle of churning out the usual paperwork in the shared room—at the time, still their shitty little shack within Barranquilla Coast, Colombia. Snake decked out in what limited gear MSF had alongside his Naked Camo, about to head out for that day. Wishing him good luck, the subcommander let his somewhat transparent feelings shine through by leaning in to leave a kiss right on Big Boss's lips, the man's beard tickling.

In shock, instinctively due to zero familiarity with romancing a man, Snake almost immediately planted his fist into Kaz. Grin wiped off his face from surprise, the blonde cursed as he nearly fell out of his chair, amidst his bleeding nose and broken sunglasses.

Snake winced upon the realization as soon as his miniature combat high wore off, not wasting a moment in carrying the blonde to their cramped bathroom, patching him up.

"Bit overboard, don't you think?" Kaz sputtered out, Snake shushing him, being weirdly sweet about the entire affair. The subcommander immediately decided that _that_ kind of reaction was what unnerved him the most. Deep down? He was happy.

"I'm sorry." Big Boss finally, awkwardly, managed. Satisfied when Kaz looked almost as good as new. Thankfully, the blonde had a backup pair of shades somewhere in the bathroom—Snake made a mental note to order another pair as soon as possible.

"Shit, Snake!" Miller had, surprisingly, began laughing the entire situation off. "If _t_ _hat's_ how you react to being kissed, I don't wanna know what you'd do if I—"

" _Kaz_."

He blinked, shit-eating grin in full force upon the realization that his boss was bright red. "Head out if you need to. I'll be fine." Laughing again, he offered a friendly pat on Snake's bare shoulder as the man just stared at the floor, mumbling something.

"What's up?"

"Nn…Let's talk tonight, alright? How about it?"

"If you don't mind, sure thing." His smile was warm while thanking Snake for finally having found his other pair of sunglasses, chucking the broken ones in the trash.

And talk that night they did, agreeing to see where things went. Little by little, week by week, moments of light kisses or stress relief, innocent massages or more, had built up. Until they settled on making their relationship official—albeit secret—from the rest of MSF.

Not that it stopped Kaz's womanizing behaviors, which Snake begrudgingly accepted, despite the annoyance and slight jealousy. His sex drive was low as is, the battlefield fulfilling most cravings he desired.

And ultimately, their loyalty was to _Militaires Sans Frontières_ ; to each other. _T_ _hat_ was what mattered the most.

"No more use for me, huh...?"

Snake blinked. Again? Turning to face Kaz's back, the one-armed man held himself close, mumbling, sleep talking. The night prior, before Snake had drifted off, Kaz occasionally cried for "Boss" in his sleep, amongst mutterings of something in Japanese—calling out for his mother, by the sounds of it? But Kaz _had_ to have been wanting Ahab.

There was just no way Kaz's interest was still…

"Kaz."

He muttered in reply, turning in his sleep to grasp Snake's arm, tightly. Snake blinked from surprise, repeating again: "Kaz?"

The blonde slowly blinked, awakening on his own. Legitimately smiling. His Boss? Or Snake? He couldn't quite distinguish—

"About time you woke up."

Kaz's smile faded as he slowly sat upright, back leaning against his pillow.

Definitely Snake.

"Should we really have…?" A scratch to his beard while thinking back to last night, cautiously wrapping an arm around the blonde. John missed this closeness, he missed _Kaz_ , period.

"My feelings long ago cooled, Snake.” He added while yawning, “There's no complications to be had."

It was a lie, but one powerful enough that Snake's hand instantly retreated, returning awkwardly to his side.

"So, tell me." Big Boss lit up a morning cigar, offering Kaz a cigarette, too. The man eleven years his junior would occasionally indulge, especially after sex. He silently accepted, staying polite by blowing the smoke away from Snake's face. "What have you been up to besides Diamond Dogs?"

Despite alcohol not affecting his system anymore, Kaz saw no disadvantage to being upfront. The blunt approach it was. He exhaled again before holding the smoke between his index and middle fingers, voice flat. "Meaningless sex. Various men or women. None of them _you_."

Why was it so _bright_ in this room? Kaz reached over to the nightstand, managing to not fumble while slipping his sunglasses on, cigarette against his lips. "There was a woman I met last year, in '83. Nadine. She was nice, albeit damn persistent in wanting to date. If last night didn't remind you that we always use protection, _she_ managed to get pregnant."

The way Kaz's mother died, fueling his own desires to play it smart with sex despite his former womanizing behavior, only for _that_ to happen? On top of everything else he endured in the past decade? Snake could certainly understand, wisely choosing to keep quiet.

A beat. Still, Snake looked legitimately surprised as Kaz continued: "We had to part ways, soon enough. Diamond Dogs was continuing to take shape. I couldn't be messing around while I waited for you to finally wake up."

"You love her?" Genuine curiosity.

"I'm fond of her, but." Miller shook his head. Both men self-aware they were speaking pleasantly to one another. Like old times.

"It's not like there's bad blood between us, or that things ended in a bitter divorce. I send money for Catherine's future, and Nadine understands my work at Diamond Dogs is important."

His sudden smile was bitter. "I bet _you_ love the irony that this happened a year before the Old Tim—Code Talker's treatment? When all staff were rendered infertile as a result?"

John flatly offered: "Because I don't know anything about having children despite the inability to—"

Kaz's smile darkened further as stood on the plush carpet, pulling his boxers up, adjusting his shades. He savored in the flavor of his smoke. "If you ever hurt David…"

"For God's sake, Kaz. _He's twelve_. If the kid comes after me, as an adult? That's a different story."

The blonde didn't reply, busying himself by slipping on his pants, shirt, and beret. His expression, however, remained the same. Snake said nothing in response.

"I have my reasons for being here, sure." Kaz was now lacing up his boots. "And meeting David was a big surprise, but don't think—"

"I'm his _father_."

"Pulling that card now, are we?" A scoff. "Then act like it. Don't push David away when he just _wants a goddamn hug_."

Snake went silent yet again.

Kaz, oddly enough, sighed. "It didn't have to be this way, Boss."

Did Kaz just…?

He simply continued, pointedly ignoring the flicker of regret in the older man's eyes. " _You_ may have fucked us and our memories of MSF over, but it didn't have to be this way."

"I told you already, I was forced into this thanks to Zero's brilliant idea. I—"

"You know what I find really sad? Despite you throwing away her bandana back then, your obsession is still there. That betrayal you feel…It'll never go away."

"Sure as hell takes one to know one." Snake's nostrils flared, but he refused to let anger get the best of him, his eye contact with Kaz unwavering. "My feelings for _he_ r are long dead, Kaz. Just because we can't walk the same path doesn't mean I can't ensure her dream will come to light."

"And what about them, _Jack_?" Kaz stood on a shaky leg, his crutch supporting him as usual, to angrily stub out his cigarette into the nightstand ashtray. "I know you feed them _both_ the same bullshit you fed me about being special. Don't you dare pretend otherwise."

He'd ignore the cruel use of his nickname. He had to, if he wanted to keep his wits about him. "Who said anything about pretending?" It was a legitimate question, while Snake carefully adjusted his eyepatch against that milky blue. "You three mean different things to me."

Miller continued, relentless. " _Real_ nice way to honor her memory by having personal feelings—even towards her—for your supposed comrades."

"Don't give me that." Big Boss's cigar was finished. He threw on a fresh shirt and some pants, alongside his leather jacket.

So many years of separation, and even their moments of light bickering were just like old times. Both silently thankful things didn't result in one of their occasional fist fights. Snake, for his part, would take no joy in them being unevenly matched.

"You're as guilty as I am of that same sin. Now, is your temper tantrum finished? There's something important you need to see."

"Fine." A huff. Kaz losing his cool was slightly embarrassing, but it just couldn't be helped. Considering. "Lead the way."

And lead the way Snake did, Kaz unceremoniously slamming the door behind them to blow off much needed steam.

* * *

“I ran into something interesting during some recon in Afghanistan.”, Snake began explaining as they weaved in and out between various buildings and staff, towards a segregated room within the medical building. Sparse for now, be even that would be something big, one day.

“It was kind of funny to realize Ahab cleaned up the PFs and their resources so nicely.”

Resources and recruits that would be beyond helpful, once Diamond Dogs properly folded into Outer Heaven. Sometime in the early 1990's was Big Boss's rough estimate.

“From what I gathered via the remaining “locals”, the Soviets just assumed Big Boss was back in town while I did my thing. Not a bad assessment.” He grinned, reaching for the door. Turning the knob and then side-stepping, politely waiting for Kaz to enter first. The man barely planted his lone foot in the room before he rubbed an eye in disbelief.

Blood running cold, he couldn't be seeing this right. His mouth opened, about to speak, yet no words came out.

Uncovered and laying atop the medical bed, wearing her standard uniform due to the Parasites, lay Quiet. Her eyes shut, lips parted slightly, she appeared dead.

“She's alive, based on our our analysis.”, Snake offered, his hands in his pockets. “Just...dormant? Her body enters some kind of suspended animation without water or sunlight, right? Damn shame she couldn't find shelter. I found her collapsed—just five miles away from a cave. Must've been off the grid from most Soviet patrols.”

Miller finally found his voice, trembling fist clenched. “Look, if you're asking me what I—”

“If it's for Ahab's sake? You're goddamn right I'm asking you.” Big Boss's good eye narrowed, dead-serious fire within.

Kaz certainly couldn't say the loyalty between Venom and the real Big Boss was false. His eyes fell to the woman, slowly approaching her. She looked so peaceful, in her current state. Resting at best, dead at worst.

He finally came to an understanding, when Venom Snake had retrieved her from the Soviets, when she gave her all to protect _him_. All of Kaz's misgivings and paranoia towards the woman seemingly melted away in the span of a single mission.Whether or not Quiet would've accepted the honest words, a part of him wanted to—at least—thank Quiet face to face

Irony being what it was, even a very awkward attempt at an apology had been snatched away, by fate.

For _his_ Boss's happiness. Miller already knew the best course of action, the morally right thing, in this case. He'd ignore his own snarky suggestion from within, to just dump her into the sea, let nature take its course, as her body gradually died off from the salt water.

After a painfully long moment—Snake was about to repeat his question—Kaz replied, averting his gaze from the others present. “Send her back whenever you like. The Old Timer'll figure out some means of bringing her back to him—and Diamond Dogs.”

“Finally admitting it's her home, too?” Snake tone's might've been amused, but his curiosity was legitimately piqued.

“Ugh. It's damn obvious they're...important to each other.” Kaz rolled his eyes, but for a-blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, he appeared to be smiling. Snake was thankful he didn't miss it.

Big Boss wanted to honestly thank Kaz for his input, but the blonde already turned, making his way for the door. “Do as you like, Snake.”

Apparently, another one of Kaz's mood swings couldn't be helped. The brunette sighed, maybe somewhat sadly, at his old comrade's retreating form.

* * *

 A few days later while grabbing a bite for lunch, Kaz noticed David within the mess hall. He sat alone, jabbing a ramen noodle with his fork. A well-worn, borrowed, book—some science fiction novel—lay flat on the table, away from the food tray, a book mark within its thick pages.

“Don't like the food?”, the blonde actually chuckled, pleasantly surprised Outer Heaven served the real deal—pork ramen—here. Japanese curry-rice and macaroons were other potential choices for lunch. Kaz hated to admit he was vaguely amused that their time in MSF left that much of an impact on Snake. But onto more important matters.

“It's not that.” The young David shook his head, his eyes meeting his father's old friend. “All I have to do is read books from the tiny library or watch the construction around base, since dad doesn't want me heading out with any of these guys on missions.”

“Looking for something to do in other words, hm?” Thankful the chopsticks offered were legitimate instead of the throw-away type, Miller slowly dug into his own bowl, slurping. The flavor brought forth hazy memories of home, of her, shortly before everything went to hell, the local news in the distant radio's background, as she had happily served them both dinner. _Tonkatsu ramen_ cooked to perfection. Had he lived with them, would his father—wherever he was in the States—have enjoyed it, alongside them? Enjoyed their time together, as a family?

David finished chewing some pork before thoughtfully answering. “Mom insisted I live with my dad, and this place is pretty cool…but I feel like there's more out there.”

Perfect opening. Miller smirked. “Want some training? Because you're still a kid, it can't be anything intense like the soldiers here receive, but...just by looking at you, I see untapped potential. You're off to a good start with your education,” He nodded towards the boy's novel, recalling his reading a military history book the other day. “You just need some fine-tuning for the future. How about it, Dave?”

Perhaps somewhat hypocritical, when Kaz insisted those kids—including David's twin—be given a proper future, life outside from the military pressure, one that was their own choosing. But it couldn't be helped. All bets were off when his personal revenge towards Snake still lingered, albeit tempered, due to playing nice on the older man's turf.

“I'd love that! Um, sir?” Pure excitement shone in those blue eyes. Kaz idly wondered if _he_ once had the same innocence within, before the operation at age twenty-nine that changed everything.

“If you'll train under me, call me 'Master Miller'.” His eyes were serious despite a chuckle, offering his hand.

David immediately took it, shaking thoroughly. One couldn't expect a young boy to keep his composure.

His bowl finished, Kaz stood, letting go of David's hand to pick it up. “Take the rest of the day to relax, but starting tomorrow, your training begins. Bright and early. I hope you're brushed up on phys ed.”

“I do well enough, Master.”, David offered, in between bites of his noodles. Which was true. According to the various people that raised him within the Patriots facilities, both his intelligence and physical endurance always received high marks during monthly testing.

“I'll be expecting good results.” Kaz sincerely smiled before waving goodbye. “Meet me outside the track tomorrow at 0600 hours, David. See you then.”

* * *

Catching wind of Kaz training David from the recruits during their own morning drills—which John had no real objections to, _but_ …He was surprised to find Kaz in his office at 1500 hours that afternoon.

“Weren't you supposed to be training the kid all day?”, he dryly offered, leaning against the wall. Seemed like Kaz was busying himself with paperwork. Snake's eyebrow shot up. Life feeling like old times since the blonde's arrival was fine and good, _but_ …

“There's only so many push ups and running he could do before tiring himself out.” Despite not looking up from his document, but Snake didn't miss the faces Kaz made due to writing with his non-dominant hand, a shaky “O” here, a squiggly “T” there. Still an adjustment, it seemed.

“I suggested some reading material. Classic literature _and_ military history, to start. David needs to be well-rounded.”

Snake goodnaturedly chuckled, his arms crossed. “What, you're saying I'm not?”

“We can't all have one track minds like you.” Kaz retorted, but without the usual bite. He was holding the document close to his line of vision, squinting, calculating the numbers in his head.

“Why are you training David, anyway? And I'm all for you being civil in almost the week you've been here, but I have to admit, it's nice you still have that old spark about you.” A weird compliment, for sure, but 100% sincere.

“David needs direction, focus. If Eva insists on him living with you, he might as well follow in your footsteps, no?”

Snake honestly couldn't tell if that was meant to be insulting or not. “I'm just thankful you're both being active, doing something. But without any prosthetics, how can you properly—?”

“I'm _fine_.” Miller snapped, being anything but, taking a moment to tiredly rub his face. “He's the one running around while I give orders. It works out perfectly.”

A sigh. No point in getting into this right now, or arguing with the younger man about personal decisions. Maybe lack of, in this case. “If you say so.” He approached Kaz gently, poking the blonde's stomach with a finger. “Your desk job at Diamond Dogs really has made you soft, and a kid David's age needs to burn off that excess energy constructively.”

“Quit that.” Kaz's eyes flickered to John's hand for all of five seconds before glancing at the document again, erasing a mistake he finally noticed while muttering all the while.

“Hey. Kaz?” John stood above the blonde while giving him ample space to work, to calculate, to write.

“Yes?” He added the properly completed—in pen—document to a pile, grabbing one from the pile adjacent, eyes quickly scanning the legal wording before he began scribbling away. When Kaz got into his laser-like “business mode”, barely anything could tear him away from work. Some things never changed, it seemed.

“Why don't you officially leave Diamond Dogs, and stay with me? I'll probably head back to FOXHOUND in the '90's once everything here builds up so Ahab can take over.”

“Can't.” An instant, extremely blunt, reply. Not that it stung Snake. Maybe slightly, not that he'd ever admit it. “This vacation of mine's temporary, remember? Besides, the less I'm around you, the better my overall sanity.”

Bursting into laughter, Big Boss offered a rough pat on the back to his irritated ex-subcommander.”You keep being you, Kaz.” His belly laugh died down after a calming sigh, bending to look over the finished pile of papers. “So, what's all this about?”

“Don't think I'm doing any favors for you. It's just frustrating to watch you piss away money.” Maybe it was partially because he still wanted The Patriots to suffer by any means possible, but Snake didn't need to know one of their ultimate goals was still mutual, after all this time.

Smirking, the older man's hand went to his hip. “In that case, why don't I help you relax? You know, in thanks for all your hard work?”

A tiny smirk of his own reached the blonde's face as he spread his legs, giving Snake access to unzip his pants, voice calm. “Fine by me.” No strings attached…right? Without hesitation, Snake's lips captured his own, the former couple nearly melting into the kiss.

Them getting along, somewhat shakily…Whether this politeness was forced or genuine, due to old lingering feelings in the back of the XO's mind…This was fine, for the time being. Mutually beneficial to them both. The pain would come, soon enough.

No reason they couldn't enjoy the brief moments of calm, quick as they ended.

* * *

 “Dad, please tell me up front what you and Master Miller need?”

John blinked, looking up from his glass of whiskey to David sitting at his side, the bar within his room. David's cold can of soda still untouched. The young boy unhappy after his question, almost irritable. A blue bandana Kaz gave him yesterday afternoon—a gift for his hard work, and a promise for keeping it up—adorned his forehead.

“Come again?”, Snake questioned. Playing dumb was the best option in this awkward situation. He'd let the use of “dad” slide, attempting to take Kaz's advice—for once.

“Training a kid my age? It's obvious you both want me to fight against...something...when I'm an adult, right? Why not mention that from the start?”

Sighing before sipping his glass, Snake replied with fatigue, “Those are things you don't have to worry about until the far, far, future. Why don't you just focus on your books and P.E. for now?”

He nodded to the thick history textbook that David was already halfway through, the bookmark from his sci-fi adventure keeping his place.

“I'm surprised you've read that much in a day.” Snake ignored his awkward, frankly uncomfortable, feelings at being friendly. If he could handle fighting—these days, eventually utilizing—walking nuclear death machines, he could handle a polite chat with his son.

Eli was dead, George was in _their_ grasp, what did he have to lose?

“Your soda's getting cold.” He joked, managing a chuckle.

Maybe a bit too serious of a reply, David commented: “I usually drink water. Sometimes tea. Soda and alcohol are both just sugar, right? That junk wrecks your muscles.” The kid didn't have a hell of a lot of room to talk, in-shape but ultimately a lanky twelve-year-old—until Kaz would train him right.

Still…a smart boy. It was amusing enough to get Big Boss laughing, after another sip from his drink. Ironic that cigars were his vice of choice, although the occasional drink was fine by him.

“What's so funny?” Confusion across the muttering preteen's face, before he reached for his book, nose practically buried within. “It's just a fact.”

“I know, but…Heh.” Surreal how _both_ David and Kaz managed to get the usual serious John smiling, laughing, on a few occasions this past week. After the years of pure hell he endured, not to mention those nine long years asleep, he didn't think he'd be able to smile again.

Did all this mean Snake was actually…enjoying…his time with David? That could make things complicated. The last he needed was anymore emotional attachments. Being burned by Zero, Eva, and Kaz in different ways was more than enough.

Hell, it was likely a matter of time before Adam himself grew fed up with John's bullshit…Snake had to be careful from here on out, stay guarded. He stood, downing the rest of his drink, hands in his pockets.

“Enjoy your book.”, he politely offered. “I have to go check on the men.”

Snake left the room before David could reply, briefly confused. Darn. He was hoping, deep down, they could have had an honest talk about things.

There was some obvious tension between Master Miller and his father—would either adult _ever_ be honest with David about what they _expected_ from a child like him?

With a little sigh, David cracked open the soda, taking a swig before returning to the textbook.

* * *

It had already been three long months since Kaz had left. Diamond Dogs scraped by without their XO around, but Venom was certainly shocked. He naturally assumed—perhaps a mistake on his end—that Kaz would only be away for a month, at most.

Just what was he doing in all that time? Maybe they reconciled, and the blonde had planned on just…never returning? Given Kaz's anger over everything the past year, it was only reasonable to assume plenty was directed at the _real_ Big Boss…

Leaning against the railing of the command platform, overlooking the sparkling Seychellen waters, Venom Snake breathed in, deeply. The sea...Always a quiet comfort, ever since MSF.

Quiet. Her.

His eye shut. It was best to remember their good times together, if she was already dead.

Not much to do on a dull afternoon, his mission workload extremely light. The man glanced at his iDroid. 1400 hours here meant it was lunch time in South Africa.

Given Miller's stress levels these days, either _the_ _y_ were at each other's throats, or actually having a pleasant day together. Who could say for certain?

“Boss?”

Oh, God...

Despite not wanting to, Venom visibly flinched at his voice. Oce—Adam—had been incredibly helpful and even kind from the beginning, but certainly it was only because he thought Venom Snake was _him_.

“Did I scare ya? Not used to seein' you so jumpy.”, he chuckled in his Texan drawl, leaning against the railing next to the older man.

“I'm fine.” Snake offered, pleasantly. “What's up?”

Ocelot enjoyed the light breeze and ocean scent before replying. The usual amiable silence between them was always welcome. “A little surprised we haven't heard from Miller at all. I know we haven't, uh, seen eye-to-eye, but he's not the type to just abandon us.” Cool gray eyes met Venom's lone blue.

Venom swallowed, needing a minute.

Ocelot…was quite handsome, for certain. But from what he could make of John's memories, Big Boss's thoughts on Ocelot were primarily deep friendship with confusion (perhaps obliviousness…?) at Adam's romantic feelings. It…had to have stung Adam, then, that Snake and Kaz were obviously once involved. Perhaps secretly, a part of the reason Venom Snake's two advisers would clash during radio calls? A childish competition for “Big Boss's” affections?

“He probably needs some time to cool down after everything, and I can't blame him.” Venom managed a sincere smile. Immediately reincorporated with gentle, loving, eyes.

“Quiet's gone for good, Boss.” A pause, though not unkind. “Best to let it go.” He cautiously approached John, closing the gap between them.

Their noses would've touched, had Ocelot only taken another inch forward.

“John's” hand gripped the railing, clear eye focused. “I know…Adam. Still. It.” He faltered. Fuck. As commanding officer, Venom usually did his best to keep it together in front of Kaz and Adam both, but something inside of him—perhaps loneliness without Quiet or Kaz around—made him break. His face crumpled, slightly, but it was there.

“John.” And there Adam was, boldly pulling the man in for a tight hug, not an almost anticipated first kiss between them. He especially took care to not push against the shrapnel horn, lest his Boss get dizzy or even worse, fall into some sort of terrifying episode.

It was almost, for a fleeting moment in Venom's mind, sickening.

Venom fought against every part within to angrily push the younger man away, to scream, to admit a simple combat medic like him wasn't half the man the _real_ Big Boss was, so nobody—be it Quiet, Ocelot, or Miller—had to continue lying and treating him like he _was_ —but all he could do was accept the hug, gradually putting his arms around Ocelot. A sniffle managed to escape. Ocelot said nothing, continuing the strong front for his beloved.

It was Adam's _concern_ for this imposter that stung all the more. What a mess. Try as Venom Snake might to live up to the name, the title, of Big Boss…

Without that girl's silent guidance on the battlefield, or Kaz's genuine, _almost_ jovial, offers of praise after especially difficult missions…He just couldn't. At least the mutual reassurance that Ocelot and Snake had one another's back—hopefully it was indeed true—was something.

The soothing waves, distant seagulls…Venom's anxious heartbeat gradually relaxed. He sniffled, standing to rub away his slightly wet eye, offering a weak smile.

Those gray eyes— _her_ eyes, from what Jack's memories told him—didn't let up in their still gentle nature. Ocelot gave his Boss some space, but not before a soothing back rub.

“All better?” Properly backing off, Ocelot was all smiles, lazily shooting a finger gun.

A weak chuckle. “Somehow.”

“Take the rest of the day off, hm? Let's send out some fresh blood on the dispatch missions.”

Managing another chuckle, his gaze returned to the sea, prosthetic against the railing. “Yeah.”

As Big Boss, he was made of stronger stuff than this. Fulfilling their shared dream— _her_ dream, especially—was priority number one.

* * *

Six months, half a year, had come and gone with Outer Heaven's ever expanding fortress. Money rolling in—thanks to Kaz's insistence—had given the future military nation stronger weapons and more recruits for their various units.

David's training, too. He'd be more than just a weapon, Kaz had seen to it. Fine by Snake, as long as David would properly help their cause, one day, in the future. Although it was difficult for either man to admit, making an effort to reach out to David, in their own way—Kaz with the training, John by insisting they nightly enjoy their dinner together, alongside the rest of the men and women in Outer Heaven's mess hall—it was…pleasant. As if they were a real family.

 The three were at the firing range, John keeping his distance while watching Miller's hands carefully guide David's against the gun full of rubber bullets—words of praise whenever the boy fired a “headshot” to the wooden targets, loudly barking orders on improving his stance and grip, alongside harsh commands of “Again!” when he failed.

Bandana above his eyes, they were filled with a dead serious nature—like fighting was what he was born to do—something that reminded John so much of himself.

The memories of training alongside _her_ , their developing CQC, their shared lives…He didn't need to think of it. Not now.

“That's enough for today, David.” Kaz had calmly offered after their final half hour had passed, the young boy blinking out of his trance-like state. Miller carefully worked to unload and set the gun aside, resetting the targets.

As the Hell Master busied himself, David calmly, silently, approached his father. The man quietly stared back at the boy, cigar sticking out of his mouth, blowing the smoke away from his son's face. “Hm?” Remembering Miller's words from so many months ago, Big Boss awkwardly opened his arms for a hug.

“Good, uh, job out there today.” A smile. But Snake wouldn't say he was proud. Not until he saw what the boy was one day capable of, out in the field. David hugged back, but there was a weird flicker of…something…in his eyes.

Anger? The hug _was_ a bit too tight, almost stifling, before David let go.

“I'm gonna grab a bite to eat, Master.” David's voice was all business-like as he waved goodbye with his back turned.

“Sure thing. Same time tomorrow!”, he called after, hint of pride in his voice.

Snake just stared as the boy left the range, brows furrowed, before turning to Kaz. He caught the last remnants of a grin that quickly reverted to the blonde's default tired expression.

“What's with that look, Snake?” Kaz let all pretenses of happiness drop—Snake had discovered in recent months a large part of Kaz's attitude problem had to do with the constant pain his body was in—whether it was his poor eyesight, or phantom limbs.

Understandable, yet Kaz's frankly stubborn refusal to seek help only made matters worse. They still shared occasional intimate moments, but not with the intensity of their first week of reuniting. Big Boss grunted while carefully formulating a reply before speaking. “Thought you'd care to explain David's slight attitude towards me?”

Kaz snorted before coolly firing back, “I certainly didn't tell him that you betrayed _us_ after our MSF days, but David had the right to know that you're not thrilled he's here.”

“Trying to turn him against me?” John's jaw set. Was Kaz really stupid enough to pull the sleazeball card, now?

“Back. Off. Don't let your anger blind you. We _need_ the kid for our future. If we just do nothing, _their_ System will screw everything over in the decades to come.”

Any reply Kaz had on his tongue died off, as Snake almost immediately added, “There's something in my office I wanted you to see.” Displeasure obvious, he sarcastically included: “Whenever you're finished here, but _d_ _o_ take your time.”

Lighting up a fresh cigar, Snake walked off in the opposite direction David had, needing some time alone. Leaving Kaz to his own jumbled thoughts.

* * *

As Big Boss requested, Kaz reached the man's office and room—not before taking his sweet time just to grate on the bastard's nerves—greeted to an open firesafe behind Big Boss's desk, Snake himself nowhere to be found.

Glancing about to make sure this wasn't some bizarre trap—or worse, surprise training—on Big Boss's part, the stillness of the room definitely gave Kaz the sense he was completely alone. Snake's personal radio was faintly playing in the background, which seemed to be rigged to get any frequency with enough maneuvering.

Surprisingly enough, it was a 1983 Japanese tune called _Good Bye_. He didn't recognize the female singer, being out of the loop when it came to pop culture from his homeland for the past so many years.

Kaz approached the old firesafe, blinking. Old documents—some even before their MSF days, by the looks of it. Snake's official 1964 documentation regarding his new title of “Big Boss”—apparently tear lines where he almost ripped the paper in half before thinking better of it. How many sleepless nights did he spend after that mission, thinking about her…?

Underneath were old pictures of Eva in a fancy dress, covered in moonlight—maybe a date of theirs?—and another photo: a younger Ocelot standing next to Zero and the two other Patriots members—honestly shocking that Jack would keep one memory from that frustrating time, considering…

Underneath various materials from the mid '60s and early '70's, however?

A set of photographs from 1974.

More specifically, [_their_ date](http://imgur.com/a/XHemV) on the beach, alongside a copy of that one, familiar, photograph: Himself, Big Boss, Morpho, and Venom Snake, their medic back then—face uncovered—standing together in front of Morpho's chopper.

Nice to see that man kept _some_ memories of their old life together, that he ensured something would survive in the depths of the sea, since MSF inevitability didn't. Had Kaz glanced at the date photos in his youth, he would've just laughed at the more questionable ones Big Boss had taken. Come to think of it, he vaguely recalled that actually happening, back then, Snake's face going a little red from Kaz's lighthearted teasing.

But these days? Kaz's expression darkened while glancing at the third and forth photographs, especially, muttering to himself.

_"Every night, I can feel my leg… And my arm…Even my fingers…"_

For a moment, he thought his phantom limbs were aching.

“Now do you get it?”, the man's deep voice rumbled against his ear, his rough lips and beard painfully close. Kaz couldn't be too surprised, given Snake's penchant for sneaking about.

“It's damn obvious there are days you're angry enough that you want my head.”, Snake admitted, straightening, crossing his arms.

His voice was even. “Just don't bring David into it. Act like the man I _know_ you are, Kaz, and keep any personal issues _between us_. Please.”

Kaz stood, somewhat rudely shoving the photographs back into the safe. He couldn't bare to look at them for a moment longer. “That's going to be a problem.”, the blonde muttered.

“Will you quit dodging the issue, quit using David for your anger towards me and just _talk_?!”

“There's not much to say, other than I'm glad ensuring Eva's request went through. Funny what old connections with Zero's people can do, huh?”

Snake's blood ran cold. “You… _W_ _hat_?”

Six months of a seemingly peaceful existence together, and the dam had burst.

“David's the only one available to us. You seriously thought I'd allow you to gain the upper hand when we have Cipher to worry about? Those three boys were never your sons, _John_ —just pawns.”

Stars next entered Kaz's line of vision. Shaking his blurry head to clear it, he realized he lay sprawled, flat on his ass against carpeted floor, his cracked sunglasses next to him. Big Boss was above, eye full of disgust, voice shaking. “I thought that letting you stay—no, _live with me and David_ would be good for both of us. That it'd give us an opportunity to start over again. I was _happy_ to see you so focused on something. But all you cared about—all this time—was getting back at me, a pointless revenge plot?”

 “You're damn right that's all I cared about!” Sweating slightly from the onslaught of pain—emotional as much as physical—Kaz shakily used his palm and crutch to gain equal footing with Big Boss, disregarding the bitter taste of cooper in his mouth, nose freely bleeding.

He'd ignore that reminder of their first kiss. Painful memories of happier times.

“From the moment you woke up, you've pissed everything away for your own selfish goals, for _her._ You're nothing but a stranger these days, not the man I wanted to die alongside.”

Snake's fist clenched. Once again, he'd ignore the comment about The Boss. “That's really what you wanted, ever since that day we met in Colombia? We still could've died together. It could've been here, on the battlefield. It could've been our proper Outer Heaven, crumbling around us. I've welcomed you back into my life, Kaz, and _you've_ been nothing but a complete prick!”

“At least one of us is being honest with ourselves with how we feel these days! You've been nothing but _a goddamn liar_!” The blonde hiccuped. Something wet. Tears running down his face, mixing in with the blood and sweat, against his shivering shoulders. “Lying to me, to your most important men like Venom Snake and Ocelot, lying to yourself about her importance to you—Why can't you just be honest like you used to be, _Boss_?!”

“GET OUT!”

Wordlessly walking out the door, Kaz's dull eyes met Snake's one final time. The CO futilely rubbing the wetness away from his own, their red eyes locked in mutual burning anger upon meeting. Back turning, Snake bent down to almost gingerly pick up Kaz's shattered glasses with trembling hands, only to realize he was alone, the utter silence of the room hitting him.

The blonde made his way for the medical center. Thankfully his belongings were kept packed, if he was ever required to leave at a moment's notice. Had the place been under threats of going down, Kaz wanted no part of it for himself, nor David. Unless…unless he could have assured David's safety, deciding for himself to stay by that man's side. But life refused to return to the old days, their former loyalty to one another, long broken.

That stubbornness—the hurt, the rage—still a vice-grip on their battle-hardened hearts. The phantom pain leaving the estranged couple in a hell of their own making.

Standing behind his father's office door, covered in the oncoming darkness of the night sky, David swallowed thickly. Hearing the argument between the two men, watching his crying, bloodied, Hell Master storm out, noticing his father within the room stifling a sob of his own…

Strange feelings bubbled within, as if he was a child caught in the middle of his parents divorcing. Not that he had ever been in that sort of situation, so why…?

There was nothing he could do, he already understood. Head bowed, thankful neither man had noticed him, lest the awkwardness of the situation increased, David sadly returned to his personal quarters.

So much for hoping the three of them could—together—grab a late dinner from the Mess.

* * *

That man stood, waiting for him, a warm smile across his generally exhausted face. The fact that it was dead of the night, and he had no real inkling of when Kaz would return was irrelevant. He still wanted to be the first one to greet him with open arms.

“Welcome back, Kaz.”, his voice and lone eye still full of warmth as he gingerly helped the man off the chopper. He dare not ask why Kaz's eyes were wet, nor why he wore his backup pair of sunglasses. His suspicions confirmed, no use in keeping up pretenses any longer.

“Hope you're feeling better.”

As the chopper left to wait at the top of the Command Platform for further deployments, Miller stared towards the quiet ocean, mouth a thin line “About him? Never. I think…I need to quit all this, while I'm ahead. I'm getting tired, Boss.”

Their eyes met. Strange, how it was just like looking at _him_ , but so very different. Even their personalities. It was Venom's warmth, his true nature—gentle at heart, despite the hellish battles they were thrust into—that partially drew Kaz to Venom Snake.

Before the XO could get further in his private analysis, Venom had leaned in to…pull Miller in for a tight hug, not unlike the kind reassurance Adam offered to Venom months prior.

Body stiffening, Kaz swallowed in feeble attempts to calm his soothing heart before he returned the embrace.

“You don't have to lie to me, Kaz.” His voice was soothing. His beard tickled. “If it's to leave us and be near him, I get—”

A scoff as Miller's expression immediately darkened. “Fuck. Him. I at least _did_ all I could for David. Big Boss's fate will one day lay with the kid.”

Snake's expression grew sad. “Ishmael doesn't want you to—”

An arm cross. He cut himself off at Kaz's clearly unchanging anger. “Fine, fine! And if David goes after me, someday? What then, Kaz?”

His lone fist clenched. “Then Snake's a bigger bastard than I thought. A good man like you doesn't deserve _this_ kind of life.”

"Hmph." Now it was V's turn to scoff, rather darkly. “Me, a good man…”

Backing away, the subcommander of Diamond Dogs turned, as if heading for his office. His voice sounded strange. “...I'll miss you. Boss.”

No. Wait. Their discussion _wasn'_ _t_ over. Ahab desperately reached out for Kazuhira with his outstretched real hand, but the visibly depressed man—head slightly bowed, lone hand in a pocket, bag slung over his shoulder—left to gather his few things to leave.

Snake's eye shut, real and prosthetic fists alike, clenched tightly. One of the few situations he felt absolutely powerless in.

A strong, feminine, hand tentatively reached for Venom Snake's real one. Blinking, his tired blue eye met two green. Quiet offered a weak yet sincere, comforting, smile. He just couldn't bring himself to return it, failing miserably.

In silence, the pair continued to watch Kaz's retreating form which disappeared once he turned a corner, slowly heading up the stairs.

His self-imposed retirement would be tough on them all.

* * *

2005\. Somewhere within the peace and quiet of Alaska.

Throughout the years, David had grown, becoming a fine mercenary for Venom Snake's Outer Heaven. The people behind The Patriots may have backed down in fear, at the nation's strength in numbers, but The System slowly controlling the United States…was a different story entirely.

By the 2000's, getting up in years, Venom and Quiet were tired of it all, disappearing off the map completely. Outer Heaven was returned to its rightful owner, Big Boss. The commanding officer of FOXHOUND had busied himself by playing The System over the years, pulling the wool over their eyes, with much thanks to everyone's hard work and sacrifices in Outer Heaven as cover.

Eva, meanwhile, was leading a busy life in the Czech Republic, something to do with helping the children…While Ocelot kept an eye on the very much alive Eli for the past ten years, much to Big Boss's shock. Adam had his own ideas about thwarting The Patriots, but rather ugly ones, at that.

Brother would eventually be forced fight brother, Ocelot looking into strange rumors the U.S. President had stepped down…Of current concern was Liquid Snake's various demands, including Big Boss's head as a nice bonus for Shadow Moses Island. Naturally, Ocelot would have none of that. Solid Snake would have to be sent in, his destiny unchanging, in meeting several important people to his life.

The flames of eternal war wouldn't be dimming anytime soon. Not if various factions had their say in what was best for the world at large.

The fifty-nine-year-old's reasoning, in his mostly peaceful retirement, was let the idiots murder themselves if they so choose. Just keep _him_ and his distant family out of it. Kaz may have been spurned by war, but he certainly didn't want to die in one.

No longer going by Kaz, or Hell Master—simply McDonnel—just wanted to _live_. The occasion visits by David, or his daughter Catherine, were always welcome to his otherwise quiet life. Besides the handful of huskies that kept him company. Living with Catherine in Los Angeles 1999, during Cat's teenage years had been quite the experience and—headache—but the girl needed to live near her mother once she attended college.

The doorbell ringing shook the man out of his thoughts. Was it David or Catherine over for dinner and drinks? It certainly couldn't be Nadine—their lives distant, save for matters involving Cat.

One of the huskies happily barked away, jumping about with her tail wagging at the door bell ringing for a third time. “Hold your horses, jeez!”, Kaz yelled, sending the pup—though really, she was three years old, already—to relax on the couch as her brothers dozed off in the guest room.

The door opened, a dusting of snow covering _his_ jacket and beard. Why wasn't this seventy-year-old idiot wearing ear muffs for protection? At least he had the brains to wear a scarf.

And so, they just stared at each other in dead silence. The fully gray military commander, still healthy as a horse, seemed somewhat amused by Kaz's stubble and ponytail—and by the looks of it, his hair long ago dyed blonde—but was honestly thankful to see leg and arm prosthetics. In fact, it was his shiny right arm that Kaz had answered the door with.

“You look…well.” It was completely sincere, although his voice was low.

“Still smoking like a chimney?” He removed his sunglasses, the snowflakes interfering with his worsening vision.

“On occasion.” A grin.

Kaz rolled his pale blue eyes, leaning against his door, shades in a pocket. “Of course. So, what do you want? I can't be surprised that you tracked me down.”

“It's been, what, twenty years, considering you left Outer Heaven in '85? What do you _think_ I want?” A beat. Snake wiped his runny nose with a gloved hand. “I'm sorry.” His good eye shut.

“Took you long enough.”, Kaz muttered, fishing around a jeans pocket for a clean tissue. He handed it to Snake, who happily accepted.

Big Boss blew his nose with a rather loud _honk_ , muttering “Kept you waiting, huh?” afterward.

The blonde rather intentionally held back laughter—nice try—before his expression grew serious. “We sometimes have dinner together. Enjoy some beers and talk about his work. I do my best to advise him, but…Honestly, I'm disgusted how much he looks like you. But then…He acts nothing like you, and I—”

“Kind of like Ahab?” The tiniest of smirks against John's lips. “Anyway. I'm honestly…tired myself, of taking, and taking. Once we wipe out The System for good, my fight will be over.”

Kaz smiled, darkly. “I'll be happy to pull the trigger for you.”

“Only if you go down with me.” Another smirk, before Snake added: “But sorry to disappoint. I'll die when my time's up.”

Quietly, honest, Miller nodded in agreement. _I just want to live_. His personal mantra for the current days of his life. He changed the topic, offering, “What makes _me_ so special you decided to swing by? Surely you'd rather be cozying up next to Adam or Eva?”

“They're busy with work.” Big Boss shook his head. “Besides, it's _you_ that I wanted to see.”

Cute. They were old. They were tired. Just what did they have to lose by genuine politeness and concern, this time around?

“…John.” McDonnel offered a rather awkward, forced, smile. “Would you like to come in?”

His eyebrow quirked. “I swear, it's strange to hear someone other than Adam call me that.” Wiping some snowflakes off his eyepatch, the man grinned. “I'd love to, Kaz. Can we have some hot cocoa?” John sniffled. “It's chilly out here.”

The blonde just couldn't fight it anymore. His lips tugged into a genuine smile, the first in many years, before he began laughing. At the ridiculousness of this current situation, his overall lot in life, their official breakup without attempting to see eye-to-eye, pride having interfered.

Kaz spluttered in-between fits of laughter, “Just get in here already!”, the door closing behind them.

**Author's Note:**

> An AU scenario where 2005 Kaz has to suffer with BB as his wacky sitcom ex-flame roommate/bodyguard pleases me greatly.
> 
> Thoughts occurred to make this initially a much darker story (David, albeit unintentionally, nearly killing BB due to Kaz's not so subtle prodding), but I just didn't have it in me to do that. I figured at David's age (since he's seemingly more normal than bitter like Eli, from what little we could deduce?) he'd rather want to see BBKaz (and anyone important to BB) get along.
> 
> When first writing, I debated to have this include a situation of Big Boss dating both Eva and Adam during Patriot days (an understanding between the three of them, since both love BB) but felt that couldn't really be worked in with Kaz demanding all the attention. Maybe in another MGS story, depending on how many more I write.
> 
> I'm not going to say “That's it for fanfic!” a third time here (lol), because who knows what story ideas will come and go? I do have a dumb Christmas-themed MGS fic idea, so there's hopefully that to look forward to.
> 
> If you enjoyed this fic or any of my others, please leave a review!


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